Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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