I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
