Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
