I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
