How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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