I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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