I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
