I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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