I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
