for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
