Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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