Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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