is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You left your phone here
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