What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
