We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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