Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
