i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
