just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
