so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
