i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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