just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
