I CAN MOONWALK!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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