so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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