Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Slut skills are useful in every country.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
