I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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