i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
