We won't sleep together?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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