every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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