she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she pinky promised me she was 18
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
