Ambien. No doubt about it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
