It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
