but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
