So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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