Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
