I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
