Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
