I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
