i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
