when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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