i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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