You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
