no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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