She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
