This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
