A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
