I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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