he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
