My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
