Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
As shirtless as possible
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
