I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
