So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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